I have been doing some soul searching lately. My anxiety has been raising and, too frequently, I feel like I'm in the middle of an emergency before I am fully conscious. Lack of sleep just intensifies my emotional deregulation and pretty soon, those simple executive functions are gone.
Why?
Well, mostly because of small business ownership.
When I took over Madre Beads three years ago I had these huge hopes. I thought maybe this was the chance for me to turn things around. Maybe, this would be when I feel successful. I've worked, and learned and in the middle had a minor breakdown.
What I didn't understand was that I would have three years of anxiety, pain, heart palpitations, fights with my husband, aggressive depression and eventually the self awareness that made me want to find something with less demand on my creativity.
I've had to question what it is I am searching for. I've had to look closely at what is important. I am still formulating these answers, but for now, I am just excited to cut fabric and work for another small business owner. I would love to see their company flourish and be able to think about it only while I am there.
While I get back into the workplace, I will continue to design for Madre, post updates to the socials, and lean into the teaching part of me. It may happen less frequently, but I hope you join me during my new adventure.
It will probably be a time I pump out some of my best work yet.
Stay safe- wear a mask,
Kelley