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Midlife Vulnerability

Kelley Gilbert

".. Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling." Brene Brown 

Hi, my name is Kelley and I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

Dear Madres,

I say these words every Sunday. I took myself to the first meeting after a significant confrontation between my partner and I. Things were said in anger and a giant trigger button I had been suppressing, got punched for the last time. I processed through a major panic attack, hid my weakness and I made appointments to get into a counselor's office and start the process of working through my damage. It feels a like walking through slippery, sticky mud. You may get loose, but now you have a lot of cleanup. 

Part of that damage is recognizing just how much it has affected my life, my habits, my coping mechanisms, my ability to really see the world. The hardest part is learning to love the broken child inside me. That child- keeps me looking at the world as a beautiful project. But that child, she doesn't know how to believe in herself. She doesn't understand that people really do care for her and believe in her ability to be magical. 

I could list and list and keep listing all of the things that have been done, or that I keep doing to myself to stay hiding inside myself. But, I want to see the absolutely beautiful things about me- the things other people see.  

Instead of resolutions for 2020, which I rarely stick to all year anyway, I decided I would do 2 things-

*finish the unfinished projects pile (its a big pile...)

*work on the unfinished healing I have to do on myself

Part of my healing is to stop isolating myself when I am anxious. There are people around me that know me and love me as I am. Wherever you are in your life, try to remember that people around you care, that others are capable of helping you, and that you are not alone. 

 

 


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